Let’s face it guys, marriage is a losing proposition because more often than not marriages fail and therefore you need to anticipate the very likely possibility your marriage will get in divorce. The topic of how and when a soon-to-be-married couple should discuss a prenuptial agreement “prenup” has always been precarious, but it can be done and in many cases it should be done. Fortunately nowadays prenuptial agreements are more common and accepted so you shouldn’t feel like you can’t discuss it with your fiancé.
Young people today are getting married later in life than they used to. According to a study by Bowling Green State University, from 2008-2022 the median age at which men first married increased by 2.5 years to 30.5 years old, while the increase in age during the same time period for women was 2.4 resulting in a median age of 28.6 for their first marriage. Because couples are getting married later in life, they more often have accumulated more assets, thus we see the need for more prenuptial agreements. This trend of the increasing age of first timers getting married is only expected to increase with the next generation and I strongly believe prenuptial agreements will become increasingly more common.
The American Academy of Matrimonial Lawyers surveyed their member attorneys and found that 62% of these attorneys have seen an increase in the total number of clients seeking a prenuptial agreement. “Couples are getting married at later ages these days and are consequently entering their relationships with more to protect in the event of a divorce. A prenuptial agreement often represents the most effective way to address these concerns and safeguard individual assets before exchanging vows,” said Joslin Davis, president of the American Academy of Matrimonial Lawyers. “Members of the millennial generation are particularly choosing prenups as the best option to cover separate property holdings, business interests, anticipated family inheritances and potential alimony claims.”
Yet the increasing prevalence of prenups doesn’t necessarily make it any easier to ask your fiancé to sign one though, does it? No, but there are some tips to help make the entire process less stressful. First, don’t put off having the conversation about a prenup, rather bring it up as early as possible so it doesn’t seem like you’ve been hiding the fact that you think is a good idea in your circumstances. If you bring up the topic of a prenup while dating, you’ll know what her reaction will be when it’s time to actually discuss talking to an attorney about a prenup.
Next, be prepared that it may be an awkward and difficult conversation. Sufficient preparation makes almost any task easier and discussing a prenup is no different. You can say things like, “in my family my parents told us kids that if we get married, we must sign a prenup prior to the marriage.” Or, “a good friend of mine went through a terrible divorce and none of it would have happened if he had signed a prenup.” But be honest, right before marriage is not the time to start lying to your future wife. If you are honest, she may still get mad but if you lie it will erode trust in your relationship and she may then think you are lying about other things.
It’s important in your conversation with your soon-to-be wife to emphasize the practicality of a prenup in that in the event the marriage does fail, a prenup can save time and money and avoid some of the acrimony typical in many divorces. All marriages end one way or another, and if you explain it to your spouse in a calm manner, she is more likely to consider your idea and not let her emotions get in the way of rationality.
Even if you earn more money than her or have more assets, explain to her that a prenup can help her as well, then talk about what is most important to each of you in the event of a divorce. This conversation will be the start of both of co-authoring the prenuptial agreement, which is the best way to proceed because you want her to think of it as something protecting not just you, but both of you. Instead of overwhelming your fiancé with the details of what you want in a prenup and making her feel defensive, work together and build the prenup collaboratively.
If you are getting married in the near future and you think you might need a prenuptial agreement, chances are you probably do need one. Remember, do not delay the conversation! For you it’s important to have an attorney in your corner to make sure your interests are protected. Men’s divorce and family law attorney Robert Davis at the Men’s Center for Domestic Resolution provides empathetic and trusted representation in the southern Kansas City Metropolitan area as well eastern Missouri. Please contact our office at (816) 287-1530 or via our website to schedule a consultation and learn more about how a prenuptial agreement can help protect you in the unfortunate event your marriage ends in divorce.
Comments