All too often I hear from my Missouri divorce clients in Cass County, Missouri about how their wife just seemingly out of nowhere told them she wanted a divorce, and how the wife seemed like it didn’t even bother her that much. What you have to understand fellas is that women are usually much better planners than we are. So she has likely been planning this divorce for sometime and may have already been through some of the more serious emotions. She likely also has some emotional support, perhaps even from another man.
But why did she decide to end the marriage? As much as we want to blame the wife for leaving and call her foul names, the truth is it takes two to tango. In other words, even though she pulled the trigger, you likely played a large role in the demise of the marriage as well. Now, she may say she just “fell out of love,” or “this just isn’t what I want anymore” but the truth is her husband lost sight of his mission in life.
Ask many divorcing woman, and you'll likely get the classic "We just drifted apart."
But when you investigate a little further, you’ll see there is much more to the story. In many instances the wife lost respect for her husband because he lost control of his life or his vision. What is meant by a man losing control of his life or his vision? It means that she became convinced that her husband wasn’t going anywhere and wasn’t going to help her live the life she envisioned. Unfortunately many men become complacent once they get married, and they tend to take their wives for granted more and more as the years of marriage pass.
In some instances women chase after the bad boy because he's got that allure of knowing exactly what he wants, but then inevitably she discovers his life is crap and he only cares about himself. And men all know the sexy promiscuous girls who looks great but is usually mentally ill, addicted to substances and/or her life is full of drama. Both men and women alike are attracted to someone or something exciting, until we realize it is all a facade with nothing real behind it. Once men are married, too many of us stop trying to pursue our dreams and stop courting our women. Women don’t have the option to go start a new family later in life like men do, and womens' options quickly and steadily fade after she turns 40. So women have to be more picky than men, and they will pull the trigger more quickly to end things because they have a biological clock that men do not possess.
That biological clock women possess really starts to crank up as she approaches 40 years of age. Even when women are young and dating around, they are still looking for stability more than men their age are. If men wanted stability at a young age like women, many more people would get married at a young age. This is why you see some beautiful women with some less than beautiful men and question how he did that. Men are physical creatures and our first impression is based almost all on looks. Women are different, even the independent women of today know it takes a man to make a family and they are looking for a man who is stable and ambitious.
So in reality, many women would prefer to “lock down” a man with desirable qualities at an early age. And what are desirable qualities? Well these include self confidence, having your shit together, and having a clear vision of how you want to live your life and what you want to achieve. Many men today believe if they are nice and caring, and give a girl whatever she wants, the girl will fall in love with him. Usually this is not the case. After working with men, I’ve found that guys who are on a mission in their own lives to fulfill their destiny are chick magnets. Girls love vision and ambition.
Men who have established a clear vision of what they want to achieve in life, and show nothing will stop them from achieving those goals are highly sought after by women. Unfortunately not a lot of younger men possess these attributes. Women want to be a part of the life of a man on a mission. In the end, whether or not you reach your goals isn’t important. “To realize one’s destiny is a person’s only real obligation.” The Alchemist by Paulo Coelho. Life is the path, not the destination, she just wants to ride with a man who knows which direction to go.
Some women want a consistent grounded man and some desire financial security. And other women need a personable man to construct a community around the family. Nevertheless all women want an inspiring man, a man with a clear vision in life, a husband they can be proud of and feel lucky to have him. When men realize this, they find they don’t have to chase women because women will chase them.
When men make a woman the primary focus in their life, they lose sight of their goals, and they lose the drive that the woman was initially attracted to. This is how men become needy and jealous, because the woman becomes everything and the thought of losing her is like losing everything. Before you criticize your wife, make sure you are giving 100% to your own life to become the man you are capable of being, the man she thought she was getting, the man you told her you were or would become. Most of us men are not doing this. When you're focused on your vision, when you're pushing past your limits and becoming the best version of yourself, you become magnetic. Your vision fulfills you, and that's what truly attracts her.
If you are a man struggling in a relationship, try focusing on building yourself into something great. Work on building your career, establish a one year and five year plan, start a side hustle, go to the gym or learn to start cooking healthy food. If you are a man in a broken relationship facing divorce or a child custody dispute, call us at the Men’s Center for Domestic Resolution at 816-287-1530. Attorney Rob Davis has personally been through several domestic related family law matters, and he has the utmost compassion for men struggling with these same circumstances.
We help men all over the Kansas City, Missouri metropolitan area, including Jackson County and Cass County. Specifically, we represent men in Lee’s Summit, Blue Springs, Independence, Lone Jack, Pleasant Hill, Grandview, Belton, Raymore and Harrisonville.
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Yours truly,
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Rob Davis, Attorney at Law